Hello everyone, Dan here delivering the good ol’ Raw review. The road to Fast Lane comes to a climax this week as the last PPV before ‘Mania is this Sunday. Last week we said a tearful goodbye to Daniel Bryan and I’m not sure that any of us have fully recovered from it. Alas, the show must go on and hopefully WWE can throw together a decent Raw before a PPV that doesn’t look very promising to begin with. Let’s see what we got on tap.
Ambrose kicks off the show talking about his big match, the “brother vs. brother vs. beast” match. Ambrose says sometimes when you’re dealing with the biggest bully on the playground you have to get your fingernails dirty, talking about his dickshot to Lesnar last week. Ambrose calls out The Beast again but gets Steph instead. Steph talks about the implications of the Fast Lane match, Ambrose having a shot to main event ‘Mania against Trips. Steph says if Ambrose wants an F5, he’ll get one, but not the one he wants. F5 stands for fatal-5-way tonight, as Ambrose will defend his title against 4 other guys.. right now!
Wow, this is certainly different if nothing else. Ziggler and Owens go right after each other to start as Ambrose deals with Stardust and Breeze. Owens turns his attention to Ambrose and starts beating him down in the ring. Ambrose goes for a suicide dive to the guys outside but Ziggler catches him with a dropkick. Owens attacks Breeze and powerbombs him over the ropes onto Stardust and Ziggler. Jeezus. This match is full of one-on-one matches with a guy coming in to throw another guy out. Definitely not a bad match though. Owens hits a corner cannonball on everyone except Breeze who moves and catches Owens with the Beauty Shot! Everyone else jumps in to break up the pin attempt. Ambrose sets up Stardust for Dirty Deeds but Ziggler hits Ambrose with the Zig Zag for a cool double finisher spot. Breeze gets in to take advantage but Owens catches him with the pop-up powerbomb to capture his second Intercontinental championship! Fun stuff here with a great finishing spot, and Owens winning the title back is awesome. Ambrose without the title going into Fast Lane definitely adds more of a ‘anyone could win this’ allure to it.
Ambrose is being interviewing backstage and says he has to live with the loss, he says it’s just more motivation to win the match at Fast Lane and go on to beat Triple H at Wrestlemania. Ambrose says he’s got nothing to lose now but Triple H has everything to lose. Owens walks up and says he told everyone that he’d take the IC title back and he deserves some well-earned recognition and wants Renee to tell everyone that he was right but Ziggler interrupts him who says since he’s beaten Owens, he deserves the title shot at Fast Lane. This should have been expected but I have no interest in seeing that match again.
New Day are out here and they will be involved in a Cutting Edge Peep Show segment with Edge and Christian at Fast Lane. They banter E&C about Fast Lane and call their kazoo performance the worst thing since Coldplay performed at the Super Bowl. Big E calls Mark Henry a mark ass BUSTA and the world’s largest bootyhole. Truly amazing.
Brie is being interviewed by Byron in the ring, talking about Bryan before Charlotte interrupts her and what ensues is a a near trainwreck. Charlotte attempts to cut a sarcastic promo that just sounds like a robot screaming into a microphone. She implies that Bryan could die at anytime (yes, this actually happened) and that she and Bryan have no money so Brie needs the title shot. The two scream at each other and Brie says she’s ‘not an easy beat’. Charlotte yells something about ‘that goat-faced vegan baby’ and Brie attacks her to end this unholy mess. Good lord. A lot of things went wrong here. The match at Fast Lane should be decent but this was not a good hype segment for it.
The Dudleys are out here to explain their actions from last week and call out the Usos.. who aren’t here because of what happened to them last week. D-Von says everyone thought they’d be some nostalgia act that would run off into the sunset, they’re the baddest tag team on the planet. Bubba says the tables are gone forever, but they could go to the WWE Network and see all of their tables matches! Wonderful. Bubba says they don’t give a damn about we want tables chants.
Heyman puts over the Fast Lane main event, but he says he has something to say directly to Roman Reigns and calls him out. Reigns comes out and Heyman says he respects him but neither he or Ambrose will be able to get by Lesnar on Sunday. Heyman gets real and talks about Reigns’ daughter and the promises he’s made to her about being the champion. Heyman says he’s got a choice to make on Sunday, his daughter or his best friend. Heyman says he’s gotta lose the promise of one or the other. Heyman says Lesnar may be his enemy but so his Dean Ambrose. Reigns thanks Heyman for his honesty because no one says anything to people’s faces anymore. Reigns cuts a good promo about how he fights for it every day and makes the hard choices every night, and that he and Ambrose both know what they’ll have to do. He shakes Heyman’s hand before he walks off. The Dudleys appear and attack Reigns with Ambrose making the save. The two fend them off and celebrate but Ambrose grabs Reigns into a Dirty Deeds attempt but Reigns pushes him off and they have a staredown. They do a wary fist bump before they both leave. This was an actually good hype segment for the PPV, the Ambrose tease was well executed and that match is looking veeeery interesting.
Another Goldust/R-Truth bit is played that included an ejaculation gag in 2016. That’s a real thing that happened on my television screen.
Naomi continuing to use the Speedball kicks in this very short match that saw Becky win with the Disarmer but then a beatdown from Tamina and Naomi after. Sasha came out to lend some boss intimidation and stood tall with Becky.
Somehow, this is the main event. I’m not sure who thought this should close the show but I guess they reaaaally wanna hype that Stone Cold podcast with Show after Raw. This match is happening at 11:00 PM EST so.. yeah, nothing to really expect. The Wyatts cut a spooky promo including Harper telling everyone to awake from their slumber. Luke Harper should just be the voice for the Wyatts, honestly. He’s really good on the mic. Bray talks about all the people they’ve run through and what Bray has to do. Braun starts the beatdown but the match devolves into DQ as the Wyatts swarm Big Show. Ryback tries to make the save but gets destroyed. Kane’s pyro hits and he comes up through the ring, he, Big Show and Ryback take out the Wyatts and stand tall to end Raw.
Ugh. Uuuuuugh. Did that really need to main event the whole show? Why not the opener with the IC title change? That was just so… dull and plain laughable. Nothing that you would need to see in that main event, especially for a go-home show. Literally anything else on this show would have been a better ending, especially when your closing segment starts at the overrun point when most of the viewers have probably tuned out, and you have a 30 second match into a beatdown spot. I just can’t pick out anything good about any of this, folks. The good coming out of this Raw was the opener with the KO win, and the Miz/Styles match. That’s.. pretty much all I got for ya. The good news is, Wrestling With Words will have all the Fast Lane coverage you could ask for from reviews to podcasts so keep your eyes on us! Thanks for reading, as always.