Puroresu Reviews

NOAH Great Voyage in Osaka Review (5/28/16)

If I don’t make it out alive after this review please tell my chickens I love them and tell Isami Kodaka that I love him. Why am I reviewing NOAH? If you listen to PITR you will know Lawrence and myself’s disdain for NOAH in 2016. Once a great promotion, it has turned into the TNA of Japan. I am reviewing because I have nothing else to do on a Saturday night and Morten is streaming it live. A couple matches look interesting and a couple look like complete and utter bores. NOAH is a NO for Izzac. If this show produces then I will eat my words and apologize but nothing is changing brothers, that’s a guarantee.

Muhammed Yone, Quiet Storm & Akitoshi Saito vs. Yoshinari Ogawa, Shiro Tomoyose & Kaito Kiyomiya**

HAHAHAHA this match. Wasn’t bad but the opening matches of NOAH have been eerily similar for the past 2 years and I usually always skip them. This was the first time I was exposed to Tomoyose and he has a bright future ahead of him. Got a good look and is a mini hoss. Ogawa was really good and the best worker in the match. Yone looked ridiculous. Storm wasn’t yelling a lot so that was a plus. Quiet Storm actually won! He pinned mini hoss Tomoyose with a strong lariat. Storm has dropped a lot of weight.

Taiji Ishimori, Genba Hirayanagi & Captain NOAH vs. Taichi, El Desperado & TAKA Michinoku*

Taichi is gorgeous and anyone that disagrees can go play hop scotch with Genba. Jado and Taka go at it with shenanigans, I would pay to see a Jado vs. Taka singles match in 2016. Anywhere outside of NOAH that is. Captain Genba is the worst gimmick on the earth. Genba’s bumps and everything are just off. Just send Ishimori to NXT please, he is too good to be in prelim matches on a NOAH show. Ishimori legit did four things in this match and that was it! HE SHOULD BE CLOSE TO THE TOP OF THE CARD!!! Genba got the most time in the ring out of everyone just to do his stupid clap and terrible dick orientated offence. Taichi killed Genba with a last ride to win. Thank the lord Taichi.

Katsuhiko Nakajima & Masa Kitamiya vs. Minoru Suzuki & Takashi Iizuka**3/4

This should be alright actually. Kitamiya looks like a young Kensuke Sasaki. His new ring gear is the absolute shits though, he needs to go back to his singlet. This was actually fine but the definition of just a match. Nothing great but it had it moments. Sucks to see Suzuki and Nakajima this low on the card once again. Iizuka god bless him took some bumps. Kitamiya was good. Suzuki was god like with his slaps and strikes. Kitamiya is like the Dolph Ziggler of NOAH: he will win here and there but will NEVER be a top guy. In the end Suzuki pinned Masa with a delayed Gotch style piledriver.

Maybach Taniguchi vs. Shelton X Benjamin***3/4

This was the definition of a match over delivering! These two men tried very very hard and put in a lot of effort to pull off a really good match. Shelton especially was awesome! Don’t get me wrong Maybach held his own and showed spirit of a fighter. The athleticism and near falls were so great. Seriously I was blown away over how much this match delivered. Best Maybach match in recent memory. One really funny spot where Shelton set up a table on the outside in the corner for about 15 seconds and as soon as he walked away the table fell over. This led to the entire group chat laughing and putting over how great the table is and one person said the table is NOAH’s savior. Shelton did some very athletic things in this match and for a guy who is almost 40 that’s awfully impressive. He hit a big top rope plancha over the rails. He power-bombed a young boy onto Maybach. Maybach hit two Maybach presses and Shelton kicked out of both. He caught Shelton coming off the top with a power slam. The superkicks Shelton threw looked killer. Maybach kicked out of paydirt! No one kicks out of that. Shelton is pissed and confused so he powerbombs Taniguchi from the ring to the outside threw a table! How Mike Awesome used to powerbomb folk threw tables. It looked so awesome and that was the finish to the match believe it or not! Shelton won via count-out. I like the finish because Maybach shouldn’t be dropping falls. Saying that I believe Maybach should of won the bout. Still this was very good.

(GHC Junior Tag Team Championship) Daisuke Harada & Atsushi Kotoge (c) vs. Kenoh & Hajime Ohara****

What a fucking match this was! Junior tag team wrestling at its finest. I will never bury the NOAH Jr. division because they always deliver on big and small shows. Consistency is key when it comes to being a great worker and the NOAH Jr’s are definitely consistent. This was so fast and had great near falls. Big spot of the match happened early on when Kenoh foot stomped both of his opponents threw a table on the outside was awesome. I don’t have one bad thing to say about this match. It was a beautiful tag match. HEY NJPW NOT EVERY JR. TITLE MATCH HAS TO BE A MULTI MAN. This was so great guys. Kotoge hit a big tope con hilo. In the end Harada pinned Ohara with a beautiful German suplex hold. Post-match Taka Michinoku and Taichi come out to challenge AGAIN and I was very annoyed but GEDO AND JADO come out to challenge as well! Gedo cut an amazing promo which bought the crowd back to life and led to a huge GE-DO-OH chant. Harada stated that a three way match between all three teams for the belts is going down soon.

(GHC Junior Heavyweight Championship) Yoshinobu Kanemaru (c) vs. Hitoshi Kumano**3/4

They could of made a guy in Kumano and elevated him to a higher status but no. Suzuki Gun dude retained and that is that. I didn’t enjoy this match all that much honestly. Nothing crazy or out of this world. Just a basic match with some high spots. Most of Kumano’s offence was forearms. He kicked out of two diving DDT’s which is insane. Kanemaru won with the spinning brain buster.

(GHC Heavyweight Tag Team Championship) Lance Archer & Davey Boy Smith Jr. (c) vs. Naomichi Marufuji & Toru Yano***1/4

So this was pretty good. You know you’re never going to get outstanding in ring work from Yano but his personality shined through and made this match entertaining but his act does dry up after awhile. KES are one of the best tag teams in the world and for me to say that is pretty mind blowing because one year ago I did not like KES one bit, but they are very good. Marufuji ate most of Archer’s and Davey’s offence and took the most bumps. Yano did a lot of his usual gimmicks with the corner pads and penis shots.  Marufuji’s kicks in this match looked terrible. Archer missed a moonsault which was insane. Marufuji kicked out of the Killer Bomb. Archer kicked out of the Shiranui at one which looked quite stupid if I say so myself. Archer was setting up Marufuji for a top rope chokeslam but Marufuji hit another Shiranui and yet again Archer kicked out. Marufuji pinned Archer following two bicycle knee strikes to become one half of the GHC Tag Team Champions. Archer and Davey hold the record for the longest every reign as the GHC Tag Team Champions.

(GHC Heavyweight Championship) Takashi Sugiura vs. Go Shiozaki***3/4

This was a tale of the match being just okay to begin with and towards the end it got absolutely killer in more ways then one. Besides the Suzuki-Gun interference which wasn’t all that bad the match was very good. I felt like it dragged a bit towards the end but other than that it was quite enjoyable. First match since Suigura/Suzuki were it felt more like a fight than a professional wrestling match. The crowd was on their hands for a portion of this but definitely towards the back end of the bout they got right into Shiozaki. Even Shiozaki chants broke out. The NOAH crowd has been lukewarm ever since Go returned but they did want to see him defeat Sugiura here. Some of the moves Shiozaki pulled out were tremendous including a big Sting like plancha which he connected with but then went into the guardrail which looked killer. Go took a fucking beating if you have ever of seen one. The elbows/forearms Sugiura were dishing out would make anyone cringe. The stiffness was off the charts. Sugiura kicked out of the Go-arm lariat at one and then kicked out of a Go buster but by god Shiozaki pinned Sugiura following another lariat! Go Shiozaki is your new GHC Heavyweight Champion. Post-match Shiozaki is presented the title and Shelton Benjamin is the first one out to challenge the new champ. So it looks like that will be Shiozaki’s first title defense.

Yeah this was a VERY VERY VERY good NOAH show. I have watched a lot of shit from NOAH the past 18 months but this was a good show. Three really good matches. Nothing MOTY worthy at all but really good wrestling. The show did drag though. Felt like I was watching a six hour show instead of a three hour program. Did this change my opinion of NOAH? Nope, not really. I am no more excited for their future stuff then I was coming into the show. But I don’t know; I may review NOAH’s big shows ? If you would like to see me continue to review NOAH please let me know. Thank you!

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