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The Bones and The Beast: Booking Jon Jones as A WWE Champion

Fresh off his UFC 214 main event and Light Heavyweight Championship win, Jon “Bones” Jones called out current WWE Universal Champion Brock Lesnar. The new champion indicated he wanted to show the Beast Incarnate what it was like to get his ass kicked by someone 40 pounds lighter than him. In the squared circle, Lesnar steps up against guys that he outweighs on a regular basis, so this is all standard procedure for a pro wrestler. In the UFC, it’s not a thing. So why is it a thing? Well, 2017 has been the year of the super fight.

WWE recently gave us a dream match that had been fantasy-booked amongst the IWC for the better part of the last decade in Samoa Joe vs. Brock Lesnar. And then there’s Connor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather, who are actively changing the face of sports and entertainment forever with the promotion of their dream match. The build to “The Money Fight” almost feels like a build to a WWE PPV. For starters, these two guys are cutting promos on each other in front of thousands of people. Be it Edge going slapping John Cena’s dad in the face, Chris Jericho mocking CM Punk’s alcoholic father, or the Singh Brothers threatening to beat up Cowboy Bob Orton, nothing makes a feud quite personal like some paternal involvement.  Sure enough, Mayweather Sr. added himself to the mix to thicken the plot. Most importantly, Connor McGregor shit-talked the CEO of Showtime, to his face and the only thing missing was a Stunner from the Irishman onto the boss.

Now if we’re going to get Jon Jones vs. Brock Lesnar, might as well raise the stakes and fantasy-book this UFC dream match. In pro wrestling, no call out goes unanswered. The current WWE Universal Champion has a lot on his plate at the moment though. SummerSlam is just around the corner, and he’s got to defend his belt against three guys who collectively outweigh Bones by 732 pounds. Roman Reigns retired the Undertaker, and nearly beat Lesnar two years ago at Wrestlemania Play. Samoa Joe choked out both Brock and his advocate, Paul Heyman on the run up to their first match. Then there’s Braun Strowman, who has 100+ pounds on the Beast, that’s spent the last four months destroying more ambulances than Jones has won championships.

So with only a “be careful what you wish for” regarding a response to his challenge, Jonny takes matters into his own hands and buys a front row ticket to the Biggest Party of the Summer. It’s the oldest trick in the book! A fatal 4-way match is a perfect way for Brock to lose the title because he doesn’t have to be involved the decision for the strap to change hands. Jones would provide enough distraction for Lesnar to be busy while Braun Strowman pins Roman Reigns to win his first Universal Championship.

The next night on Raw, Paul Heyman will advocate for a rematch ASAP since the Beast didn’t get pinned. For the second night in a row, Bones is sitting front row. The raucous New York crowd clamor for Heyman to address it. The Conqueror wants Jones to come to the ring, but his advocate is totally against it. The UFC Champion doesn’t wait for an invitation and hops the barricade. The two only get face-to-face for a second, before being broken up by security. Pro wrestling security, isn’t like any other security, in that they can never seem to hold anyone back, even if they are 40 pounds lighter than Brock Lesnar. Jones gets a punch in on Lesnar before Kurt Angle sends the Raw Roster to break this thing up. Can’t you just hear Brock say, “be careful what you wish for, bitch!”

Dana White and Vince McMahon agree to let Brock appear on the UFC 219 PPV on December 30. The Chairman of WWE, being the genius he is, scores the opportunity to air the results of their pre-fight drug tests live on Raw. It’ll be the most watched segment in the history of Monday Night Raw. Heyman makes a bunch of jokes about Jones “pissing hot,” and it ends with Jon throwing a cup of urine in the face of Heyman because that’s as WWE as it gets.

When it comes time for their fight, it’s an instant classic. Ultimately, Jones knocks out Lesnar. He cuts this promo after the fight where he tells Brock to go back to “fake fighting.”

Braun Strowman doesn’t take too kindly to these words and challenges Jon Jones to come and fight him at the Royal Rumble. The UFC star reluctantly accepts but claims he’s only doing it to show the Monster Among Men what it’s like to get his ass kicked by someone 180 pounds less than him.

During their Universal title match at the Royal Rumble, Strowman accidentally knocks out senior official Mike Chioda. Jon grabs a steel chair from under the ring and tries to put Braun down, but it’s not enough. Jones pulls a pair of brass knuckles out next and KOs the big man just as the referee is getting back to his feet. Controversy ensues, and Jon Jones is the new WWE Universal Champion. Later that night, Brock Lesnar returns in the Royal Rumble match and eliminates fifteen people to win and earns his guaranteed main event match at WrestleMania. He wants a rematch with Jon Jones, this time in the ring and now for the Universal Championship.

In the build to this rematch, Paul Heyman reveals that post-fight drug tests indicate Jones cheated. After weeks of ranting about it, he gets the UFC to reverse the decision and make their previous fight a no contest. Heyman gets Jones back and throws a cup of piss in his face. Bones will pull a McGregor and get in Vince’s face and call him a weasel. Hell, I’m sure Vince would let Bones get a punch in on him and knock him out. It’s a super fight. Go for broke and give the people something to talk about. It’s WrestleMania Fleur De Lis. The Silver Superdome. Jones vs. Lesnar 2. That night would be nothing short of a spectacle. Just picture the Octagon descending from the rafters a la the steel cage for the main event.

The match itself doesn’t have to be long, but it will be magically over-booked to hell. Bruce Buffer to make ring announcements. Joe Rogan would sit on commentary with the legendary Jim Ross. Big Jon McCarthy would officiate. Jon Jones would try to take Lesnar to Suplex City. It wouldn’t be the main event if the referee didn’t get knocked out. Chandler and Arthur, Jon’s brothers who play in the NFL, would both intervene and take F5s from Lesnar. Vince McMahon run-in is essential. Dana White and Vince brawl. Ultimately, Brock is going to lock Bones in a Kimura, break his bones, and win back his Universal Championship.

The night after WrestleMania is always the most unpredictable night of the year, but I’m gonna predict Connor McGregor (who beats Floyd Mayweather) interrupts Lesnar’s celebration and challenges him to a fight at UFC 225.

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