The Punjabi Prison match is back! For the first time in almost ten years, WWE will put on the most feared gimmick match on both sides of the Indus River. After dealing with the horror that was the House of Horror match, Randy Orton finds himself in yet another car crash of a stipulation. In addition to the return of Khali’s playground, WWE has also brought back a handful of other matches that we had not seen in quite some time including the (object) on a pole, a dumpster match, and even that main event gauntlet match to end Raw this past Monday. With all these specialty matches making comebacks, and as the resident fantasy-booker, it’s time to figure out when and how your other favorite gimmick matches will get booked!
1. Hair vs. Hair Match
Last Match: Enzo Amore def. Sylvester Lefort – NXT Takeover: Fatal 4-Way 2014
Next Match: Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass – SummerSlam 2017
It’s fitting that the last Hair vs. Hair match happened during the early days of the friendship between Enzo & Cass. Big Cass played a role in neutralizing an attack from Lefort’s partner, Marcus Louis, and it allowed Amore to steal the roll up. Now as the realest guys in the room go their separate ways it’s only right to do it with a gimmick match that brings it all full circle. It’s no secret that the intangibles that go with being a Certified G cannot be taught, but there is that old saying that the hair makes the man. With that in mind, Enzo’s locks could serve as a bargaining chip to get a rematch. He wants to get even and embarrass Cass by shaving his head. Can’t you just hear Zo talking about his barbershop days and referring to himself as a buzzsaw? Heels have a tendency to be the one’s who get their heads shaved, so Colin could do with a new look as he starts life anew as a singles competitor (He’s 7-foot bald). In a more poetic route, Big Cass could acknowledge that he’s the reason Amore didn’t get shaved the first time and then ultimately be the one to clip him. Worth noting that this would start Enzo’s singles push where he realizes he’s undefeated in hair matches and wagers his ‘do until he beats Brock for the Universal title.
2. Triple Cage Match:
Last Match: Jeff Jarrett def. David Arquette (c) & DDP to win the WCW Championship – Slamboree 2000
Next Match: The Miz (c) vs. Dean Ambrose vs. LaVar Ball – SummerSlam 2017
The Triple Cage Match is the kind of stipulation that you couldn’t get mad at the WWE for naming an entire network event after it. The first installment had a celebrity. The second installment is going to feature a celebrity. Dean Ambrose and The Miz have been feuding since the Superstar Shake Up in April. This past Monday on Raw, LaVar Ball added himself to the mix. While he’s only got problems with the A-Lister, I would not be the least bit surprised if the Lunatic Fringe was appalled with the youngest Ball’s inappropriate language. Expect Dean to address the actions of the Ball family on the Go Home Raw before Great Balls of Fire. Just as he’ll be about to recapture his championship, Lavar Ball will assault both Miz and Ambrose for their criticism of his family. Being that SummerSlam is the biggest party of the summer, the Big Baller Brand will fit right in. How do we get the Triple Cage? Well, the patriarch of the Ball family reveals he’s watched Ready to Rumble every other Thursday for the last seventeen years, and the only way he’ll get in the ring again is if there are three cages stacked on top of one another. I can’t imagine a scenario in which LaVar Ball doesn’t shoot win the Intercontinental title, so yeah let’s go with that.
3. Buried Alive Match
Last Match: Kane def. The Undertaker – Bragging Rights 2010
Next Match: Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt – No Mercy 2017
I know what you’re thinking here. How can there be a Buried Alive match without the Undertaker? Well, it’s Roman’s yard now. Duh. Bray already tried to bury Randy Orton beneath a refrigerator this year, so I’m sure he’ll jump at the opportunity to bury them with dirt. Based on all their history, it really wouldn’t take much work to get the groundwork (get it? GROUND) laid out. A Shield and Wyatt family battle at SummerSlam leaves Bray yearning to put Roman away forever. This match, though, would likely be booked as a way to write Wyatt off TV for a few months so he can come back as Husky Harris.
4. Arm Wrestling Match
Last Match: Mark Henry vs. Rusev – Smackdown September 12, 2014
Next Match: Braun Strowman vs. Brock Lesnar (Go Home Raw Before SummerSlam 2017)
Arm Wrestling matches are not exactly Network event material, but they do make for a great segment for Brock to earn thousands of dollars for doing minimal work. After shoving Roman Reigns into an ambulance, Braun wants competition — so much competition that he attacks Lesnar. Over the course of the next few weeks, the Monster Among Men and the Beast Incarnate try to out-perform one another in varying tests of strength. When push-up contests and a pose off aren’t enough, that’s when it’s time to break out the Combat Armsports – Pro – Series Armwrestling Table with SnapLock Removable Cover and let those big men wrestle arms or whatever. Interference on behalf of Paul Heyman will see this match get thrown out. Unfortunately, we’ll be forced to wait until SummerSlam to see who is stronger and thus, this night will be known as Bummerslam!
5. Inferno Match // Ring of Fire Match
Last Match: Bray Wyatt def. Kane – SummerSlam 2013
Next Match: Becky Lynch (c) vs. Charlotte – Great Balls of Fire 2018
The Women’s Revolution has taken women’s wrestling to heights its never been before. This past week alone the gorgeous ladies of wrestling were featured in the main events of Raw, Smackdown, and NXT. While the girls don’t get nearly as much screen time as the men, match stipulations no longer have the gender bias they once did. Ironman, Hell in a Cell, and Money In The Bank ladder match are just a few of the notable stipulations for marquee women’s matches. This summer’s Mae Young Classic serves as a promising next step for the Revolution. Where will the division go next though? How will they further heat things up? The year is 2018, and Charlotte just can’t seem to beat Becky Lynch. She asks the Irish Lass Kicker for one more opportunity, and it can even be on Becky’s terms. Being the pun master she is, Lynch takes it too far and chooses a match that will be straight fire, an Inferno match. History will be made at Great Balls of Fire when we witness the first ever women’s Inferno match, all because of a pun that went too far. Charlotte wins after hitting a moonsault over the flames. If you’re wondering if there will ever be a second women’s Inferno match, remember that Ember Moon. Plenty of mileage left on this pun.
6. Parking Lot Brawl
Last Match: JBL def. John Cena – Great American Bash 2008
Next Match: ???
There’s nothing that brings an uncle and a nephew together quite like a good, old-fashioned Parking Lot Brawl. Trying to predict it would take all the fun out of it. There are some things you just let happen, and this is one of ’em.
7. Casket Match
Last Match: Daniel Bryan def. Kane – SmackDown, January 29, 2015
Next Match: Aleister Black vs. Eric Young – NXT TakeOver: New Orleans
Aleister Black’s entrance sees him rise from a coffin, so it would only be fitting for him to adopt the casket match as his specialty. Though he remains untested, it seems like Black’s character wouldn’t necessarily thrive in a Hell in a Cell or an Inferno match. While Bray Wyatt’s persona exhibits an intrusive shade of darkness, Aleister’s is more subdued. With any luck, we’ll never see him transport to the ring or hijack Teddy Long’s limo because he’s just too cool for that. I’m not sure if casket matches in WWE have ever been hip, but he could very well be the one to do that. Lucha Underground has done a great job with all the pageantry that comes with their Grave Consequences matches. Black could easily counter Lucha’s Day of the Dead presentation with a Gothic style. I can confirm at this time that it would, in fact, be a hoot. Next year at Takeover: Orlando, Aleister could find himself in a feud with sAnitY over their differing views on whether toilet paper orientation (sAnitY are definitely under kind of people) with this casket match could serve as a way to bring the losing party to the main roster the night after WrestleMania.
8. First Blood Match
Last: John Cena def. JBL – One Night Stand 2008
Next: Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens – Extreme Rules 2018
In this PG Era, it’s hard to say if we ever get another First Blood match. If we do it’ll likely be reserved as the blow-off match for an intense rivalry. Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens fit the bill and are capable of putting on a match that is equal parts stellar and safe. No members of the roster harbor resentment for each other the way the former best friends do.
9. Last Ride Match
Last Match: The Undertaker def. Mr. Kennedy – Armageddon 2006
Next Match: Roman Reigns vs. Baron Corbin – Backlash 2019
Is it a coincidence that Roman Reigns is wrestling in yet another gimmick match that was once a specialty of The Undertaker? No. You know the rules. If you retire a wrestler you inherit all of his or her signature matches.
10. War Games Match
Last Match: Team WCW (DDP, Roddy Piper, and The Warrior) def. nWo (Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, and Stevie Ray) & nWo Wolf Pac (Kevin Nash, Sting, and Lex Luger) – Fall Brawl 1998
Next Match: The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt, Braun Strowman, Luke Harper, & Erick Rowan) vs. The Club (AJ Styles, Finn Balor, Luke Gallows, & Karl Anderson) — Survivor Series 2017
There comes a time in every fantasy-booking write-up where logic ceases to exist. So, in this case, we have reached that point. Let’s say that at SummerSlam, the Wyatt Family beat The Shield. They assert the claim that they are the greatest stable in WWE history. The aforementioned assertion will force the Club to unite for one night only in a War Games match at Survivor Series. Why? Why not. Do you remember the main event of last year’s Survivor Series?